SOMEONE..

"..i found myself today..and ran away..something pulled me back,the voice of reason i forgot i had..all i know is you're not here to say..what you always used to say..but it's written in the sky tonight.." a beautiful song by Hillary Duff


whenever i am in a very 'down-to-earth' situation..whenever i almost surrender about everything..whenever i almost give up on something..i look up and try untuk tengok langit serta isinya..(someone told me to do so..)membawa maksud,it's some kind of relaxation teraphy..tho it's not fully working but at least ive got chilled sensation there..and ianya benar2 membantu disaat2 'masa kecederaan' seperti ini..
..terlalu banyak perkara yang tak mampu ku mengerti mengapa ianya terjadi..rasanya seperti nightmare pla..setiap malam menghantui tidur2ku dan membuat hati ini resah gelisah all the time..bukan maksudku menolak  yang telah terjadi..cumanya terdetik di hati ini,for sometimes,rasanya tidak tertanggung beban yang ku galas..mulut seperti ingin berkongsi tapi dengan siapa?does they are the right person to share with or they just a 'FAKER' hiding behind the mask of life?..there's a voice saying 'No one can really understand you,EXCEPT you..'

is that RIGHT?



P/S: i am soooo tired..tired of all those things!

...S.H.E...

~You can shed tears that she is gone,

or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on..

~A song in MY HEART..

It's quarter after 11pm..and i am still fresh..UuUuU..i was totally exhausted all day long..spending my time with little thet..and guess what??He is so active nowadays..i couldn't fight,i couldn't tahan whenever he pinched me up..he asked me to play along with him sama2 ngan his very own 'ULTRAMAN'..all i did was,i just ikut ja apa dia punya suka..i just follow wherever he will bring me to and whatever he want me to do..everytime i look at him,suatu perasaan yang sangat senang wujud jauh di sudut hati ini..

He never think about giving up..jatuh macammna sekalipun,dia tetap akan bangun and do the things he want once again..that's him..macammna sakit sekalipun,he'll cry for a second and then after a while..dia akan tertawa semula..lupa apa yang berlaku..(alangkah bagusnya...!)

i've learned so many things from him walau dalam hanya beberapa hari bersama dengannya..he teached me about life and its surrounding..about everything..tentang perkaitan setiap perkara dan kejadian yang berlaku..tho he never ever teach me manually..but spending time with him making me fikir dalam tentang hidup ini..thanks little thet..!

he'll be back to KL soon..he'll go with bianca and his mummy and daddy..i'll be missing them all..my pray will always be with them..ALWAYS!

Dear GOD..

---> How long will it be before i can get through my daily routine without feeling the wave of pain sweep over me..without sensing that knot in the pit of my stomach..without dwelling on what went wrong??..my world is spinning around..i cant make up my mind already..geezzzz..(=_+)

DEAR GOD..
~What should i do during this period of time?..i am weak already..i dunno where should i lend my hand to,where should i put my head...i need someone's shoulder to cry on..it's soooo PAINFUL..i never wanted to have all this kind of feeling..please!
~Expecting something..knowing something that might happen..
selepas satu probs,then datang lagi satu..x habis2,bahkan takkan pernah habis..What Should i do now..?im speechless already..beban yang kutanggung kini bertambah..bahu x tertahan mau menggalas semuanya..i just mampu buat sedaya upayaku..i am enduring my PAIN now..my heart aching..i just dunno what to do anymore..bukan maksud ku menyalahkan apa yang terjadi..bukan maksudku x mau terima apa yang berlaku..i just..i just..hmmm..what to say aa?
 ~I wish I was a kid again,because skinned knees are easier to fix then broken hearts..Time goes by a lot slower..i dont have other option..i dont have any choices..

~DEAR God..heal my heart..heal my feeling..you the only one i got right now..~

++SomethinG tht i Couldn't TELL anyone but YOU--->DEAR DIARY!

----->It's COMPLICATED!..
I never thought all this things became so complicated..LIFELIFE..apa life suda teach me so far?..apa sy suda bagi sma life so far?apa life bagi sy so far?soalan berpusing2..bingung bukan..?me sendiri pun bingung pa yang suda sa cakap sebenarnya..
WHOOAAA..i never asked for this kind of life bah..setiap yang berlaku nda pernah sangka ini yang akan terjadi..if only i know what gonna happen next,to be honest..i will never do this..BUT who am i mau pertikai kerja TUHAN?God knows everything..He planned everything..Manusia merancang but Tuhan yang tentukan..betul tidak?..
~People around..Tau menuding jari ja..10 kebaikan kabur dengan 1 kelemahan..sebab 1 kelemahan-->mula la..tuding jari,dipersalahkan,dihentam..what else?U named it..!Puas suda hati ini berlembut..puas suda jiwa ini merengkok..puas suda hiding behind topeng2 kehidupan..though i knw im not the right person untuk bahas hal mengenai LIFE..i dont have right untuk sebut pun anything pasal LIFE..but i have my own opinion..and i have my own decisions to choose..
--->Katalah apa saja..buatlah apa mahu kalian...andai sampai nyawa ini diambil sekalipun..ONLY i knw exactly apa yang berlaku..pandanglah serong,ludahlah muka ini dengan kebencian sekalipun..TERSERAH!SUATU HARI NANTI------>kalau sampai Tuhan izinkan all this things happen..RASAILAH NIKMATNYA..I will never ask for more..nikmati sendiri then you'll know..
~~~~FOR SURE..akan ku dapatkan apa yang sudah hilang..airmata yang jatuh ini bukan sekadar airmata kelemahan..bukan airmata kekalahan..mengalah bukan bererti kalah..I'LL GET IT BACK..!REVENGE?whatever...cakaplah apa saja..yang merasa diri ini bah..yang tau sakitnya diri ini bah..biarlah,I DON'T CARE anymore..SORRY TO SAY..

HuRt So BaD..

~~Hati ini sangat sakit....

Gambaran sebenar merujuk kepada Hati yang HANCUR ialah seperti dicarik,dikoyak,dipecahkan,dihempas..
SANGAT SAKIT..hingga x tertahan oleh tubuh ini untuk mengangkatnya..
Saat bening subuh..dikala matahari belum menampakkan diri..tanpa sedar,tears falling down slowly..No words can express how HURT i am..totally insane!
~~I said to God..

I’m living for this cause,

I lay down my life into Your hands,
I’m living for the truth,
The hope of the world in You I’ll stand,
‘Cause all I want is You...

What shud i do?i asked myself..things become harder than i expected..Berantakan..
Maunya apa mempersoalkan hak privasi individu?Maunya apa mengatur segala keadaan untuk bisa dijadikan kepentingan sendiri..memerangkap  org lain,memasang jerat tanpa perlu kuatir akan perasaan orang lain?Mengundang perasaan bersalah agar tidak lari dari setiap tingkah laku?


~~Apapun yang terjadi..
    Berjalanlah tanpa henti..
    Air mata tertahan..
    Waktu untuk dijatuhkan..(=.=)

Buatla apa mau mereka..Buatla apa suka sekali pun..Buatla semuanya,Biar hancur..Biar kelihatan tewas,Biar Buta mata yang melihat..Bisu mulut yang bercakap,tuli orang yang mendengar..

~It doesn't bother me anymore..it doesn't make sense anymore..sebab berkali-kali hati ini HANCUR berkecai..SANGAT HANCUR..meninggalkan serpihan2 yang x boleh d kutip hatta disambung sekalipun..
...Berlalulah subuh pagi meninggalkan seribu satu macam persoalan..yang jelas,semuanya BERUBAH drastik..saat perlu untuk bina sebuah mahligai,kecapinya hanya sementara..punah segalanya..
----->FORGIVE THEM..THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THEY'VE DONE..(~.~)

Qualification..

'Bosan..aku dengan penat..
Dan enyah saja kau pekat..
seperti berjelaga tika..
ku sendiri..'

----->Terkenang seketika bait2 puisi ni..puitis sungguh!really..
semenjak dua menjak ni,jantung ini terasa berdegup kencang......'dug dug..dug..dug dug..dug..'what does it means anyway?Hati resah semacam..apakah maksud 'keadaan' ku ini?..LUPAKAN keadaan ni seketika.. (Sure there's something right?,furthermore i am depend on God)..kalau makin diikut..memang DOWN giler..but something yang bagus pasal me(kadang2 la) ialah..sa suka menyendiri kalau DOWN sambil memotivasikan diri sendiri..meaning to say,PUJUK DIRI sendiri la bah kunun..(n___n)..tp x boleh selalu kan..sometimes need somebody jg untuk 'BAKAR' semangat yang  luntur..
ANYWAY,telampau melalut sampai lupa mau share sesuatu sama korang2 suma yang sedang mengikuti perkembangan blog ku ini..
LATEST NEWS---->berguling2 sa ketawa bila one of kakak ni offer sa masuk 'UNDUK NGADAU' peringkat hospital..KNOW what?i never ever terfikir pun mau masuk this kind of things!she said,why not try..just for fun maa..lagipun itulah one of life's experience..SO,sejenak sa berfikir,betul la..NIKMATI HIDUP INI SELAGI MASIH BOLEH..how sweet..but,maybe awal2 suda kena 'DISQUALIFIED'..because of tinggi x cukup,potongan badan bukan 34-25-36 size..speaking ibunda yang tunggang langgang..pa lagi?u named it..im just 'tersenyum sepanjang c kakak bagi sa motivasi untuk ikut..x pa yang sa dapat cakap just---->sa tengok muka dia and senyum ja..(n_______n)